Friday, July 17, 2009

Weird Things FridayTM: Octopuses

Say hello to my little friend.

My daughter went through a phase where her favorite animal was the octopus. And I thought that was the coolest. I mean, how unique! How not My Pretty Pony of her!

We bought her stuffed octopi wherever we found them. One of my favorite memories is watching her, aged 5, leaving the aquarium gift shop carrying a giant leopard print stuffed octopus. It was as big as she was, so from the right angle, it looked like the octopus was walking.

Unfortunately, she's gotten over octopi. She thinks they're babyish. But I haven't. And neither have a lot of people.

For one thing, octopi are unique. And intelligent. And versatile. I mean, here I am, thinking I'm so great with my large mammalian brain and opposable thumbs--meanwhile, this octopus is working as an archeologist.


Admittedly, sometimes octopuses have terrible taste. For example, this octopus loves its Mr. Potato Head toy. Oh well. At least it's not a Bratz doll.

No wonder octopi are trendy!


An octopus can be a lamp that looks like an octopus or acts like one. Here's a whole bunch of lamps named for the amazing octopus. Although surprisingly enough, I couldn't find a single lamp with eight tentacles.

Then there are octopus purses


and necklaces--silver

and gold

an octopus Wiggle


and for very wealthy grown-up art collectors, this dazzling octopus bracelet from Tiffany, which will set you back $270,000.


There's even a blog, Everything Octopus.

Just wait until I tell my daughter. I mean, come on. When people are blogging about something, it's HAWT. Maybe she won't make me give her stuffed octopuses to the thrift shop.

So. I love octopuses. So much that I see them where they don't exist. Like those round yellow cakes that Yankees and ignorant people use for strawberry shortcake? If you line them up, they totally look like a row of suckers on an octopus's arm.

So do the little round holes the contractors made in the ceiling when they installed my Spacepak air conditioning.

Don't look now, but your ceiling is growing suckers ...

Maybe I'm a little obsessed, but we're all lucky this isn't Japan. If this were Japan, I'd probably be asking an octopus out on a date. Because you know how Japanese women apparently can't stop thinking about having sex with octopi.* Just think of the ramifications if I posted a picture of what is, inexplicably, a rather common fantasy in the land of the rising sun.

Because that would be porn.

Unless the picture is really old and by a Japanese master


in which case maybe it's OK.

* This gives a whole new meaning to WTF.


  1. Ew.
    Don't like those sucker things.

  2. DUDE OMG do you want to hear something really weird?! Of course you do! I didn't read this until Saturday, but apparently you posted it on Friday, and all day Friday I WAS WEARING AN OCTOPUS NECKLACE, I shite thee not! A silver one with purple stones that I got for cheap at Kohl's. GET OUTTA MY HEAD AND/OR JEWELRY BOX, woman!

    And I'm going to try to forget I ever saw that last photo.

  3. Well, I used to love ocptopi, but now that I've seen the fisherman's wife who must be sailor moons great auntie, I'm thinking of banning octopiesies from my home altogether. I just don't want to take any chances, y'know?

  4. I'm corn-fused about how using the yellow rounds for shortcake is a sign of ignorance. Do they have some obvious, other purpose?

  5. OMFG! I thought I didn't like them before, now I'm totally freaked out by them. They're all squishy and suction cuppey.

    OMG I can't get that last pic out of my head. MY EYES! MY EYES!!

  6. I once reviewed a book in which a human woman experienced sex with a tentacled alien and it was briefly described (in more detail than I quoted here:
    But I've never seen anything like that picture!


Gentle Readers:

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xxx, Poppy.