This whole matte lipstick thing.

Internet, I just don't know about this trend.

Correction: I hate this trend. First of all, I've already been through this, as the following 1993 photograph of Mayim Bialik demonstrates.

Second, truly matte lipstick isn't the most flattering look on people whose lips have lost volume and gained wrinkles.

On the other hand, if you're the sort of person who looks good with a philtrum piercing, then hey, rock your matte lips.

In fact, rock grey matte lips.

Or purple matte lips.

Or corpse-colored matte lips.

Urban Decay's Matte Revolution lipstick in 1993

I own exactly one matte lipstick. OK, it's not really an official matte lipstick. It's one of those long-wear dual-ended liquid lipsticks deals from Chanel. One end is color, the other is gloss. It's a lovely, my lips-but-darker shade, and I wear it when I know I'm going to be photographed and won't have time to reapply lipstick, say, when I'm hostessing a party or chairing a fundraiser. In other words, I don't wear it very often.

Which is a good thing, because when I do wear it, my lips peel like crazy. To mend things and keep my lips on my face where they belong--instead of flapping away layer by layer like the calendar pages in a 1930s film montage--requires frequent applications of La Mer's stupidly expensive lip balm. Which I have to do for days.

Having suffered through this experience several times, there is no way I'm jumping on board the matte lipstick trend.

In case you aren't old enough to be aware of this old-time beauty trick, you can mattify any satin or cream lipstick by applying it, then powdering your lips. If you don't want to get lipstick on your powder puff, you can put a single layer of tissue over your lips and powder through that. Or use a brush, or powder blusher or eye shadow--you get the idea. Top your cream lipstick with a powder.

So if you want to rock the full-on Joan Crawford matte lip, do what she did. Joan didn't need no stinking $20 matte lipsticks. And neither do you.

You'll notice Joan is wearing satin, and Bette is full-on matte. Food for thought.

P.S. In case I haven't talked you out of it, Angie of Hot & Flashy tested a bunch of matte lipsticks so you don't have to. Verdict: the best one was the cheapest! Read about it here.