Review: Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water All-in-1 Makeup Remover & Cleanser. (With artistic video footage)

Yesterday I blogged about visiting Ulta, where the pleasant sales associate I call Man Bun discussed Garnier's new micellar water at some length. Man Bun, while friendly, was not particularly well informed about the products.

I wanted to know the difference between the stuff with the pink cap and the stuff with the blue cap. Together Man Bun and I discovered that the blue stuff was for waterproof makeup, whereupon he started trying to sell me that version. I countered with the sad truth about my lack of cool-girl status: I never wear long-wear or waterproof makeup.

Not Poppy.

I thought the regular pink cap version would do nicely. But I bought both, because SCIENCE.

It just so happens that I have a freshly-opened bottle of Bioderma micellar water, which  I bought for $30 in a fancy drugstore on Central Park West. We'll call this stuff my control.

First, I decided to compare the products by shaking the bottles, as one (scathing) review I read of Garnier's product mentioned that it ¡omg! foamed. So I shook up all three of my bottles.

FOAM!

Note the toxic waste right above the word "Garnier"

What follows is the—to me—somewhat disturbing footage of a viscous slime that forms on top of the Garnier micellar water with the blue cap. So if you want to watch me shake bottles of micellar water, while wearing pink Lilly Pulitzer pajamas, and shooting the footage on my iPhone in its Kate Spade phone case, you can check out the video embedded below.

It's like reality TV!

That stuff floating at the top of the bottle may or may not strike you as disturbing, but it definitely fails the aesthetics test. Would I look forward to cleaning my face with it? I would not. Does it spark joy? It does not. In fact, I'm wondering why I don't have the Environmental Protection Agency on speed dial.

On the other hand, as you will see in the video, the Garnier in the pink cap acts just like the Bioderma, right down to standing in for a magnifying glass. I've decided to stick to the stuff in the pink cap.

p.s. I uploaded the video to YouTube because iPhoto hates me.