"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph and their wee donkey!" Or, channeling Irish police chiefs while trawling fashion sites.

People, I have no words. NO WORDS. Although the line from Line of Duty quoted in my title pretty much sums it up.

I mean, I know I was just decrying the speed with which hideous fashion trends of the recent past were being dusted off and brought to our attention. 

But I swear, it was about a decade ago that every girl in my daughter's class was showing up for dressy occasions in the combination of an empire waist mini dress and two-inch platform shoes. (And looking like they were heading to a Pony Play convention, although I wouldn't have said that at the time, being far too tactful and discrete. What with them being underage and all.)

But check out these Christian Louboutin Vegastrassimus silver platforms:

Currently for sale on Net-a-porter and some other sites, I'm sure. Because who doesn't want to spend close to two thousand dollars on high-end stripper shoes?

"They're gorgeous! I must have them!" I hear you say. "But how would I style them?" you ask.

With your bead-fringed jeans, of course. DUH. 

Available here. Run, don't walk. 

Bonus for anyone who hasn't seen Adrian Dunbar as Ted Hastings in Line of Duty deliver the line.