Sunday, June 25, 2006

"I washed me 'ands and fice before I came, I did!"

One of life's challenges--to which I find myself rising rather ineptly--is the matter of etiquette. The way I see it, there is a central problem with etiquette, which is: you can know the forms perfectly well, but that doesn't make adhering to them any easier or more enjoyable.

Take the little matter of thank-you notes. Having gone to a metric ton of parties lately, I owe a metric ton of thank-you notes. And I have every intention of writing them. But ... I keep finding other things to do instead. Like folding laundry. Or rearranging my bookshelves. Or (God help me) reading etiquette books.

Have I ever mentioned that I have a sizable collection of etiquette books? I own multiple editions of Emily Post (with Mrs. Post, the older the better--she starts off much more opinionated, but in the latest edition, her daughter-in-law is practically conciliatory. And conciliatory? Is Just Wrong.) Oh, and then there's Amy Vanderbilt, and Vogue's from the 1940s. And the New American Etiquette, printed during World War II, and containing an entire chapter on military etiquette. And Debrett's Modern Manners, in case I ever end up in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot. I have funny ones, too--and why not, as there is something inherently comic about finger bowls--P. J. O'Rourke's, and J. P. Donleavy's. And countless others. A shelf-and-a-half of the things.

But that doesn't get those thank-you notes written.

Perhaps if I took a picture of the books and mailed a print to each of the women to whom I owe thank-you notes?


Well, no wonder I'm only 68 percent Lady.

You Are 68% Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners.
But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette. And you have been known to fart.


  1. With cartoon lips like that, I'm amazed the score wasn't exactly one point higher.


    P.S. 1- Get your handwriting converted to a font (~$25),
    2- Mailmerge the thank you notes, 3- Only handwrite the truly important stuff

  2. I just finished five thank you notes and have two more to do. I hope the recipients don't compare notes.

  3. Joke: How about I get my lips converted to something animatronic? And, you know, phone in--whatever lips are supposed to do?

    PR: I still haven't written them. I swear, I am such a lame-o. I'm ready to pay Joke to write mine for me. From what I've seen of him, he writes the way hamsters run wheels. Don't you think he should use some of that talent to help the downtrodden etiquette-challenged masses?

  4. I college I used to, um, "ghost write" papers and theses and things for money.

    That cartoon had the sort of lips that Imagineers probably used for reference while in their early adulthood.


  5. P.S. This whole episode reminds me of the joke about why the Junior League hosts no orgies. (Too many thank-you notes.)

  6. Poppy, next time I'll write them for you. Actually I could start a service and I'm pretty good at BS.

  7. Hmm. I coulda swore I posted a brilliant reply to this.

    Curse you, Blogger!


Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.