Can I just say that I really enjoyed the comments? Especially the ones that used outrageous amounts of flattery? My other favorites were the ones that tried to evoke huge volcanic eruptions of hot molten guilt on my part. It didn't work, but I appreciate the effort.
You see, I am long past feeling guilt for anything other than my own stupidity in holding on to these Barbies for so long.
I mean, think of how many opportunities I've had to put those Barbies into a Toys for Tots bin. But no, I held out for Internet
For the drawing, I had 198 comments to deal with, so I headed over to random.org to work some random integer magic. But then I realized that not all 198 of the comments were actually people wanting to enter. Some of them were blackbird saying that while the Barbies were lovely, she thought she'd pass. Others were Joke, making fun of me (which seems extraneous when I write this blog, the one you're currently reading, to do exactly that.)
And then there were the people who entered more than once. I dumped the duplicate entries. I also snipped anyone who entered after the cut-off time of 5:00 p.m. Sorry, people, but I left you out of the running to make the odds better for the people who managed to enter on time. I'm cruel--but fair.
So that left me with 183 names. Then I added Jen Lancaster to make a total of 184.
So I plugged 184 into the random thingie. And the winning number was 169. And this left me using my left hand to count ... down ... 168 comments ... while ... I ... scrolled ... down ... the ... screen ... with ... my ... right ... hand. Which, not surprisingly, was easy to fuck up.
This resulted in much frustration and swearing as I started the whole ... long ... laborious ... process over again. And again.
And then, That Stuff Muffin I Married rescued me from my English-major stupidity.
Why not, he asked sagely, count up from the bottom?
So that's what I did.
(You know, he's just brilliant. And when I burst into grateful tears and hugged and kissed him, he looked at me calmly, pushed his glasses back up his nose, and said. "Well, dear--I am, after all, a computer scientist." Which is bullshit. He's an attorney. A smart one. Who doesn't stuff Barbies into every single one of our house's orifices.)
But I digress.
The winner is: Mandi. Who left this comment:
(Just so you know, I've tried to accommodate Mandi in every way, including typing this description of the "drawling" with a really annoying affected version of Long Island Lockjaw. You can't hear it from where you're sitting, but I sound exactly like James Spader in Pretty in Pink.)
So anyway, Congratulations Mandi! Email me your address and the Barbies are yours.
To everyone else, thanks for playing! If I don't hear from Mandi in three days, I'll hold another random drawing, so keep the flattery and ass-kissing coming. A better woman would be above enjoying that sort of thing, but I LOVED IT.