What's with all the wacky mascara brushes?

Has anyone else noticed that if you're shopping for a new mascara, it's likely to packaged in a very fat, Crayon-colored tube with a brush that looks like a specialty cleaning tool?

My favorite mascara is my (relatively) old school L'Oreal double ended. One end has that white stuff that makes your lashes look way thicker after you top the white stuff with the colored end. And this particular L'Oreal formula claims to make your lashes healthier. Well, guess what, internet? It's true. My lashes are actually longer and thicker.

The only problem is that my daughter somehow absconded with my tube. Which is highly unhygienic of her, so I told her so. She countered by reminding me that I haven't given her conjunctivitis, which is true. Then she offered to give me back the tube. But I don't want it back now. It is now hers to keep. I mean, she's my daughter, but honestly, I'd rather share her toothbrush. Which is saying a lot.

So anyway, in my search for a replacement, I've been digging through my stash of untrieds. Some were freebies from blogging events, some were travel sizes from GWPs, some arrived in Birchbox or Sample Society shipments.

And most of them were meh.

To start with the most offensive (because I actually paid retail for it) I present

 

 Dior Diorshow Extase Mascara in Plum

This was part of last summer's Nordstrom Anniversary Sale offerings. This collection was all about the purples, so the shade is Plum.

Now, mostly I eschew colored mascara. I'm constantly trying to stifle my inner teenaged girl ("Ooooh! Purple!") and not always succeeding. I realize that Women of a Certain Age can't get away with much in the way of outlandish makeup, but this was an extremely subtle shade of purple. I thought I'd try it to see whether it was softer than black, and flattering to my green eyes.

Well. Not only is it kind of meh in color, it neither lengthens nor thickens substantially. Also, the brush is shaped very strangely. See how it looks like a tiny black bottle brush? I'm sure this is supposed to do something fantastic, but all it did was apply the mascara unevenly.

Lancome Définicils

This is one of those tried-and-true, Allure and InStyle magazine Best-Of winners, so that was my next try. And it is a great mascara for those of us with not-very-long, not-very-thick wispy, insubstantial lashes. Applied lightly, it beefs those babies up and looks great.

Also, it comes in a long, elegant tube and has a normal brush. Both of which are to the good.

The problem lies in its half-life, which approaches plutonium. If I wear it on Monday and remove it Monday night, I wake up with black smudges when I wake up on Tuesday. And Wednesday. And even Thursday.

And so my search continued. Check back tomorrow for Poppy's attempts to replace her beloved L'Oreal Double Extend with another drugstore mascara.

*****

(I have to finish this tomorrow because I'm wiped. I had a fantastic workout today. I did weights and cardio with my trainer, then burned 550 calories on the elliptical. I even came home and took pictures of myself in my workout clothes so I could show you how badly I dress when I'm going to the gym. But now I'm exhausted. This getting up before 6:00 and exercising is wiping me out. It's like I got to my second childhood 20 years early!)

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz ...