Thursday, March 10, 2005

How the hell did this happen?

I must have a secret life.

Because I have carpal tunnel syndrome, which I understand you get from repetitive motions like wielding a meat cleaver or practicing for the Van Cliburn competition.

Well, come on. You certainly don't get it from ignoring your blogs.

I mean, check the dates on these things. It's not as though I'm blogging up a storm. And I can produce witnesses to testify that my emailing, usenet posting, and Yahoo chat use have been minimal as well.

Yet here I sit with my hand in a splint and my right thumb immobilized and useless. It's like my dominant hand is de-evolving. It's slipping down the evolutionary ladder right into the bottom rung of sentient life forms where it doesn't even get an opposable thumb. Meanwhile my left hand can still touch type, eat with utensils, play the piano, and hold a toothbrush. It's feeling pretty smug at the moment--probably thinks it's about to get into Harvard or something.

I have to admit, I'm milking this for everything I can get. I sat around and read a novel all day, cancelled my appointments, and guess who cooked dinner and did the dishes?

So that's the upside. The downside is that I'm stuck with this splint, which is made of some miracle fiber that is beginning to remind me of fiberglass. Also, I'm beginning to become preoccupied with this secret life I apparently lead. For instance, is the secret carpal tunnel syndrome-producing life worth the splint, and if so, am I ever going to hear any of the dirt?

Don't worry; I promise I'll fill you in.


  1. Ha! You can't fool me, I know you got CTS by fanning yourself and telling people you were getting a case of the vapors. You downplay that Virginia belle side of your equation, but I see right through this ploy.

  2. Tell me about it. What I thought 2 months ago was "I must have slept on it funny." turned into the mysterious, torn rotator cuff period. I have no idea what I did to cause it, but I feel for you. Wishing you a speedy recovery.


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