I'm not really here. OK, I am. But I'm not presentable. Because I'm going to the gym.
OK, yes, it's after 11:00 in the morning and I'm still not dressed, but you know, I've had such a busy week. I forced myself to do all kinds of things I didn't want to do--like get dressed up, drive downtown, attend meetings, go to fundraising events and concerts--when all I wanted to do was play with the internet.
I mean, why put yourself in situations where you have to get dressed in uncomfortable clothes and be polite, when you could stay in your pajamas and take cheap shots at celebrities?
So just a few quick, sweet, fruity Jell-O cheap shots, and then I'll promise I'll go all low-fat organic strawberry smoothie at the gym.
Today's winner is Anne Heche, my current Mamarazzi target for pretending not to be batshit crazy, when we all know she is.
Runner-up Number 1 was Miss Personality herself, Lindsay Lohan
who apparently Comes In Color. Her so-called dress looks like an ace bandage on acid. "She's like a rainbow. Coming colors in the air. Oh everywhere." Including her hair. Which frankly, looks better red, because when Lindsay goes blonde she looks like every other peroxide blonde coke-snorting starlet who just escaped from rehab. Such as this one:
who has not yet discovered that low-rise jeans are out of style. Or that wearing a hat doesn't make a wig look less like a wig. Or that it's called underwear for a reason.
OK, folks--gym time.