Sunday, April 20, 2008

How to be a couch potato. With shin splints.

OK, maybe shin splints is a bit of an exaggeration. Let's just call it sore muscles.

See, I have a treadmill. In the basement, where the "home theater" is. And I've come up with a brilliant idea. Instead of watching television while I walk on the treadmill (which drives me crazy because of the inconsistency of the programming, not to mention the advertisements, which sap my will to live) or reading a book (the light is bad and there's nowhere to actually put the book, so I have to hold it) I'll just walk on the treadmill while I watch every movie I've never seen. I mean, just think! I'll finally get around to experiencing the Porkies franchise, not to mention the collected works of Charles Bronson.

After all, I already have a shitload of DVDs and a Netflix account. How could I go wrong?

This is how: I decided to watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets while I walked on the treadmill. Well. Do you know how long that movie is? It's about as long as the basilisk that lives in the eponymous chamber.*

One hundred and sixty-one minutes, people. So long that I had to do this in stages. I walked for an hour and a half before dinner, and another hour afterwards.

If I ever encounter a basilisk (and this is not as unlikely as you might think--you haven't seen my basement) I won't panic, and I won't wait for a phoenix to show up to help me. I'll just crush it with my mighty calf muscles.

* "Eponymous" = my graduate school dollars at work.


  1. - aren't you supposed to *ease* into exercise?
    For example, the first day, you look at the treadmill whilst sipping a gin and tonic, the second day you stand on it, the third it gets turned on...

  2. Use to love Netflix. Then we discovered Blockbuster. Same movies, price, quick delivery etc. BUT..when you finish the movie if you want another you can GO to Blockbuster and trade it for a new movie! Same rules, no late fees, no charge, etc. LOVE it. SO when I have watched MY movie (Atonement, lovely) the whining males in the house took it back picked up THEIRS (The Mist).

    I love that you following the Yellow Brick Movie Road to fitness. Perhaps you should only watch 'road' movies. May I suggest The Straight Story. True story of guy who takes 300 mile trip to see his brother. On his RIDE ON LAWNMOWER. Fabulous. gjoos

  3. I admire your stamina--and your vast vocabulary.

  4. I'm holding out for an exercise bike that can be hooked up to power my monitor.

  5. If you're open to tackling the Porky's oeuvre, then have I got a DVD rental list for YOU.

  6. Good for you! I swear that I'll do exercises while I watch yet another rerun of Law & Order. Yet here I sit, commenting on how well you're doing, letting my flab continue to annoy me, and not doing a damn thing to change it.

  7. i don't think I tell you nearly often enough how funny you are.

    and what lovely calves you must have.


Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.