Sunday, May 17, 2009

After a weekend like this, I want to do jello shots until I hurl

or maybe just start doing methamphetamine.

Anything to get the taste of so much WHOLESOME out of my mouth. Which tastes like the "Glucola" they make you drink when they screen you for diabetes.

Think I'm overreacting? Check it out:

Friday afternoon: Don obnoxious Girl Scout Leader uniform;

perform annual village cleanup with my Girl Scout troop.

Saturday morning: Go to church for son's Confirmation service.

Saturday night: Attend the annual school benefit.

Sunday morning: Church again, this time the usual service plus the annual thank-the-Sunday-school teachers plus more confirmation celebration, and an ice cream social.

Sunday afternoon: Don obnoxious Girl Scout Leader uniform;

pack American and troop flags in car; organize troop color guard; march in quaint village's 90th annual Memorial Day Parade.

Attend Memorial Day ceremony along with every other scout troop in village, also various ministers, members of the armed forces, and what looked like the village elders.

The first speaker mentioned the length of the historic Lincoln/Douglas debates. You know, the ones where Stephen A. Douglas spoke for an hour and a half and Abraham Lincoln

He totally pwned Douglas, by the way

rebutted for an hour? Well, I swear, today's speaker took that long to describe the debates and reiterate a couple of Lincoln's points. Which, OK, by the time he got to them, my mind had wandered far, far away. So it's lucky I could read the Wikipedia article. You know, if I chose to.

And now you know why I want to channel Patti Smith and perform at CBGB. And then do Jell-O shots. And then snort methamphetamine. And then have a one-night stand. With a priest. Who's gay. And married.


  1. The pictures are AWESOME! Dude, if I had a Scout leader uniform like that, I'd never take it off.

    And who knew you had a middle name? hee

  2. Oh holy hell. I totally wouldn't judge you at all for that.

    Hell, let me know when and I'll do some shots with you!

  3. There's got to be some kind of motherhood medal for that. Right?

    Or at least a Girl Scout badge.

  4. OK, and I thought I had a busy weekend. That definitely earns you the right to something.

    Why was the quaint village holding its Memorial Day parade a week early? Doesn't that sort of defeat the point?

  5. They're afraid that if they had the Memorial Day parade on Memorial Day, nobody would come. Because everyone goes away for the weekend.

    Hey, I'd be there! With my entire family. Wearing our neon LOSER t-shirts.

  6. Does anybody else think that Lincoln looks like a craggier version of alan alda??

  7. it's truly terrifying when you realise you have turned into a pillar of the community

    or that you are sleeping with one

  8. This cracked me up. And thanks for your note on my blog, Poppy. I'm currently on vacation in NS for 5 weeks, and look at blogs infrequently, and when I do it's in a library. The sudden snorting bursts of laughter from reading yours don't always go well in a library atmosphere.

    Still, I can't imagine how I've gone so long without commenting on yours.



  9. Well, if you're going to do it, you may as well go the whole hog. The priest should certainly be a female anglican minister, and forget the meth, go straight to smack.

  10. And don't forget to mullet-up.

  11. I think I may have wet myself, laughing at this post.

    And these same children will turn to you in ten years and say, " I don't remember you being my Daisy leader...."

  12. I feel your pain. My week has not been totally jam packed with activities that make me want to drink myself into a stupor but I have a feeling tonight may shove me over the edge. I'm going to a two hour talent show at the elementary school for 5th graders...only I don't have a 5th grader, just a kid who certainly will not live if he is not allowed to experience the glitz of it all.



Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.