This morning I posted what is probably my five thousandth Mamarazzi entry, and guess what? It was about MADONNA. Why? Because no matter how hard she tries to avoid it, she's getting old. But mocking her? Never will.
And then, somewhere in my morning internet ramble, I came across an ancient meme, and its name was ... not Madonna. (See? I'm not a one-joke blogger. Not everything old is Madonna. Just most things.)
Anyway, the meme was this: If you had the power to erase five groups from the history of pop music, which five would you chose?
I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to play along, either in a blog post of your own or a comment. But I want some thought here. Anyone can make fun of the Dave Matthews Band or Hootie and the Blowfish. I want you to dig deep, people.
Me? I went way back to groups that have been driving me crazy for decades. These are the people I'd like to see cut off at the root:
1. I've got that Eagles Queasy Feeling.
Mostly because of "Hotel California." But "Lyin' Eyes," "Take it Easy," "Witchy Woman," "Tequila Sunrise" and "Peaceful Easy Feeling" all make me want to hurl.
Eagles - Hotel California
2. Jimmy Buffett
I don't care how Floridian or drunk you are, his music blows.
3. The Grateful Dead
OK, maybe some of you are deadheads and think Jerry Garcia was god, but you're wrong. If Garcia was god, he wouldn't be dead. And he is. But is he grateful? I don't know--but I am.
Maybe he was a good guitarist--he certainly makes all the lists--but those out-of-tune vocals get me every time. And all those shitty bootleg recordings being passed around by people who are obviously so high they wouldn't know a tuning fork if someone jabbed them in the ass with one. No, the best thing about the Dead was the concert posters. Or maybe the dancing bears.
4. America--'Cause there ain't no group for to give me more pain.
5. And last but not least--Madonna. Because actually, it really is all about Madonna.
Because it's all Madonna's fault. Do you remember when female vocalists were fairly scarce on the ground? Probably not, since is you're reading this, chances are you're too young to remember that there actually was music before Madonna.
But if it hadn't been for Madonna, we wouldn't be stuck with Britney Spears, Vanessa Hudgens, Gwen Stefani, Lady Gaga, the Pussycat Dolls, Paris Hilton, Katy Perry, and a bunch of other female pop stars who thinks singing consists of forgetting to wear underpants and then doing something really daring like kissing a girl. Oooh. Edgy.
To prove my point, here is Madonna--not singing, not rubbing her privates on the statue of a saint, not looking deep into the eyes of the camera while lip-synching her gristly ass off--just being obnoxious while she thinks she's being edgy.
Yes, I think I could have survived the past 25 years pretty happily without her so-called contribution to pop culture.
OK, the ball's in your court. Which groups/artists would you like to expunge from the record?