Friday, May 15, 2009

Two things to cheer you up if the weather where you are is as sucky as it is here

This morning I posted what is probably my five thousandth Mamarazzi entry, and guess what? It was about MADONNA. Why? Because no matter how hard she tries to avoid it, she's getting old. But mocking her? Never will.

And then, somewhere in my morning internet ramble, I came across an ancient meme, and its name was ... not Madonna. (See? I'm not a one-joke blogger. Not everything old is Madonna. Just most things.)

Anyway, the meme was this: If you had the power to erase five groups from the history of pop music, which five would you chose?

I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to play along, either in a blog post of your own or a comment. But I want some thought here. Anyone can make fun of the Dave Matthews Band or Hootie and the Blowfish. I want you to dig deep, people.

Me? I went way back to groups that have been driving me crazy for decades. These are the people I'd like to see cut off at the root:

1. I've got that Eagles Queasy Feeling.

Mostly because of "Hotel California." But "Lyin' Eyes," "Take it Easy," "Witchy Woman," "Tequila Sunrise" and "Peaceful Easy Feeling" all make me want to hurl.

Eagles - Hotel California



2. Jimmy Buffett

I don't care how Floridian or drunk you are, his music blows.

Jimmy Buffett


3. The Grateful Dead

OK, maybe some of you are deadheads and think Jerry Garcia was god, but you're wrong. If Garcia was god, he wouldn't be dead. And he is. But is he grateful? I don't know--but I am.

Maybe he was a good guitarist--he certainly makes all the lists--but those out-of-tune vocals get me every time. And all those shitty bootleg recordings being passed around by people who are obviously so high they wouldn't know a tuning fork if someone jabbed them in the ass with one. No, the best thing about the Dead was the concert posters. Or maybe the dancing bears.




4. America--'Cause there ain't no group for to give me more pain.



5. And last but not least--Madonna. Because actually, it really is all about Madonna.

Because it's all Madonna's fault. Do you remember when female vocalists were fairly scarce on the ground? Probably not, since is you're reading this, chances are you're too young to remember that there actually was music before Madonna.

But if it hadn't been for Madonna, we wouldn't be stuck with Britney Spears, Vanessa Hudgens, Gwen Stefani, Lady Gaga, the Pussycat Dolls, Paris Hilton, Katy Perry, and a bunch of other female pop stars who thinks singing consists of forgetting to wear underpants and then doing something really daring like kissing a girl. Oooh. Edgy.

To prove my point, here is Madonna--not singing, not rubbing her privates on the statue of a saint, not looking deep into the eyes of the camera while lip-synching her gristly ass off--just being obnoxious while she thinks she's being edgy.




Yes, I think I could have survived the past 25 years pretty happily without her so-called contribution to pop culture.

OK, the ball's in your court. Which groups/artists would you like to expunge from the record?

11 comments:

  1. 1. Rush.
    2. Rush.
    3. Rush.
    4. Rush.
    5. Rush.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have been WAITING for someone to ask me this!!! Because I have very strong feelings about this:

    1. Bob Dylan
    2. JOURNEY
    3. U2
    4. Tears for Fears
    5. Jimmy Buffet

    I suspect I might get some hate mail after this - but I seriously cannot stand any of those bands!!! Bono makes me want to throw shit at him. Pompous ass.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so with you on 2 through 4. I think I'd put Bob Dylan at #1 and Beyonce at #5.

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMG! The EAGLES? AMERICA? Just stab me RIGHT IN THE HEART, why don't you?

    ReplyDelete
  5. After spending the first several years of our marriage indulging my husband's Grateful Dead dependency, I finally admitted that I hate them. Seriously, "space" is really just musical (term used loosely) masturbation initiated by hallucinogenic drugs. Hate, hate, hate and I want back the time I spent trying to like them.

    Oh and Jimmy Buffet kinda sucks too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, baby.

    1. Coldplay
    2. OAR
    3. Jimmy Buffet - yes I agree
    4. Blondie
    5. Survivor

    Oh, gawd, I'm officially old.

    (Oh, and Tuli can't come to my house now.)

    ReplyDelete
  7. ack.
    Can't believe I sat through that torturous Madonna interview.
    Lynyrd Skynyrd.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Female vocalists were never scarce before Madonna
    you're just too young to remember
    Tina Turner
    Joan Jett
    Diana Ross
    Dionne Warwick
    Nina Simone
    Chrissie Hynde
    Ann & Nancy Wilson
    Deborah Harry
    Melissa Etheridge
    Neneh Cherry
    Carol King
    Della Reese
    Claudine Longet
    Shirley Bassey
    Mary Weiss
    Emmy Lou Harris
    Glroia Gaynor
    Grace Jones
    Kate Bush
    Stevie Nicks
    Siouxesie Sioux
    Tina Weymouth
    Gladys Night
    Joan Baez
    Donna Summer
    Kim Carnes
    Darlene Love
    Martha Reeves
    Nancy Wilson
    Annie Lennox
    Dusty Springfield
    Brenda Lee
    Ricky Lee Jones
    Bonnie Raitt
    Aretha Franklin
    Patti LaBelle
    Linda Ronstadt
    Joan Armatrading
    Sinad O Connor
    Wanda Jackson
    Ani De Franco
    Kate Pierson
    Sade
    Nina Gordon
    Cher
    Barbara Streisand
    Pat Banatar
    Shenna Easton
    Whitney Houston
    Pattty Santos
    Petula Clark
    Grace Slick
    Nico
    Patti Smith
    Laura Nyro
    Joni Mitchell
    Carly Simon
    Phoebe Snow
    Janis Joplin
    Hope Nichols
    To name a few

    HATED IT; RUSH, JOURNEY, KISS, ABBA, NEIL DIAMOND

    ReplyDelete
  9. Your awesome list plus
    Starland Vocal Band
    Neil Young
    Rush
    REO Speedwagon
    Foghat
    Dr. Dre
    Bob Dylan
    Boy Bands in general
    ...and so many others. This list will haunt my dreams.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Michel empowers me. I've hated U2 for years and have been afraid to say so. And let me add Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Costello, and everything Sting has done since Ghost in the Machine.

    ReplyDelete

Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.