Tuesday, July 14, 2009

And now, a brief shorts report

I am just sick in love with this meme thing. Weird Things Friday has me bubbling over with creativity. And since I never do anything by halves, and prefer to err on the side of overkill, I now proudly present

Truly Tacky Tuesday

which is the day I'm going to blog about the cornea-searing amounts of bad taste I see everywhere I look.

Especially if I'm at home.

I was really pleased with the idea of making fun of other people's bad taste (and in a pinch, my own.) I thought it was genius. And then the other day as I was shopping for groceries, I found myself wondering. What if I couldn't find anything to post about? What if I encountered a shortage of tackiness? What would I do then?

And then, as I left the grocery store, as if to put my fears to rest, my muse presented me with this:

Strolling along, lowering property values where ever they go.

I had to sneak the photograph, so let me describe what's going on there. This is two old ladies. Don't let the bright red hair fool you; the woman on the right was even older than the gray haired on the woman on the left.

Now, please notice the shorts. It was probably 80 degrees, and I was perfectly comfortable wearing jeans, sandals, and a shirt with three-quarter sleeves. And yet these women went outside wearing the kind of shorts I find problematical on 12 year olds.

It gets worse. The woman on the right had such--how can I put this tactfully--such vivacious flesh on her legs that with every step she took, it moved in all kinds of directions. Seriously, it was all over the map. Up, down, left, right, jiggle jiggle jiggle. Although the woman on the left with the gray hair had amazingly firm legs.

And then I took a closer look. She had on pantyhose. White pantyhose. The kind business women used to wear with their navy blue skirt suits, Reeboks, and floppy disk ties. Except this woman was wearing hers with shorts.

And so, since we're talking about abbreviated things, a haiku.

If you must wear shorts

--and really, no one wants that--

don't wear pantyhose.

14 comments:

  1. Disturbing. Not your writing, the topic at hand.

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  2. Oh this is fabulous! I look forward to more Truly Tacky Tuesdays!!

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  3. Shorts AND pantyhose?? Isn't that a fashion oxymoron (emphasis on the second syllable)?

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  4. I wish I could have taken photos of some of the people my husband and I saw when we were out last night. Disturbing.

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  5. I'm well over 40, have jiggly legs, and wear shorts. You can call it tacky as long as I get to laugh at all your tacky stuff, too--and can you maybe serve up some pictures of brightly-colored umbrella drinks while this is going on each Tuesday, 'cause usually that helps folks think of more stuff that's really funny. Enough of the umbrella drinks and I might even share with you the best places in the U.S. to shop for little models of praying hands.

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  6. I always wore support stockings with (longish) shorts when pregnant. This was a lot of fun in August. But my legs didn't jiggle, what with all that support, so I sort of liked it.

    Now, I figure no one needs to see my middle-aged knees - there's nothing comely about them. I wear the shorts that stop just below the knee - I'm happy, onlookers are happy too.

    My only wish is that people would realize that if their butt is eating their shorts, they need something longer. I hate seeing that.

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  7. Walking the streets of the Loop, I can tell you there's a WEALTH of posts around here.

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  8. Not sure what the problem is with wearing Pantyhose with shorts. I do it all summer long. I se many women wearing them with shorts now a days. there are many starts wering them this way as well. Can you please tell me what make you such a fashion guru?

    Donna From Philly

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  9. Best Pantyhose review
    See stories about hose wearing.
    http://www.bestpantyhosereview.com

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  10. Donna from Philly asked:

    Can you please tell me what make you such a fashion guru?

    I'm not sure what makes me such a fashion guru ... my best guess would be the fact that I'm not from Philadelphia.

    As dowdy as Bostonians undoubtedly are, you will never catch me, at the ripe old age of 80-something, walking around a shopping center wearing shorts with a two-inch inseam. With or without pantyhose.

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  11. Oh wow. They must not have anyone at home that loves them.

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  12. How disturbing! I saw my aunt's mother at the gym once, and she totally had on flesh colored tights with her workout shorts and tennis shoes. Awesome.

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  13. You're so observant! The tights - thats too much! And too funny!

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Gentle Readers:

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xxx, Poppy.