Thursday, May 15, 2008

Mommybloggers made me gay.

Actually, Mommybloggers didn't make me gay. But reading mommybloggers taught me something very important about myself:

I'm a man.

This is how I know. I've been reading blogs for four years. Most of the bloggers I read are women. I'm getting insights all the time into What Women Want. Sigmund Freud? Call me. I have the answer.

The thing is, I don't want it myself. Which means I'm either a freak or a man. I'd prefer to be a man.

So here's why I think I'm a man:

I don't like to talk on the phone.
I don't like to get dressed up.
I wear what I like and don't really care what's in style.
I watched a single episode of Sex in the City and hated it.
I've never watched Lost, Dancing with the Stars, or American Idol.
I find all soap operas to be insane wastes of time.
I don't really enjoy shopping at Target.
I don't really enjoy shopping, period.
I hate malls.
I don't like going out to lunch.
I don't really understand hinting around or attempts to manipulate me.
I don't find Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, or David Beckham sexually attractive.
When my children get hurt, my first reaction is to tell them to stop whining.
I don't like chick lit.
I do like Patrick O'Brian novels.
I think everyone should smell like soap and toothpaste.
I don't even know how to order coffee at Starbucks.
I don't care how things make other people feel.

and most important:

I am extremely uncomfortable when strange men flirt with me.

See? I'm a man.


  1. I'm with you on not getting Sex and the City, telling whining children to hush up, and not knowing how to order coffee at Starbucks.

    And here I thought I was the only one...

  2. Hmm. I have at least half of these going on for me, too.

    But I like Target. And good perfume. I'd choose a Patrick O'Brian novel over most chick lit, but I don't really like either one.

    I'm gender neutral?

  3. Hmmmmm. I think I married you.

  4. According to your list I'm feeling gender neutral as well. Or bi.

  5. If you are extremely uncomfortable when strange men flirt with you, wouldn't you by definition NOT be gay? I'm just sayin'

    Also, yesyesyes to the no phone-talking, no Brad-Pitting, no soap-opera-ing.

  6. Um, except you seem to need positive feedback, which most guys I know don't need. And you promote your tits---hey, if they can't promote themselves....KWIM? Time for a reduction or a better bra.

    Signed, OK w/ myself, merely a droopy DD

  7. Not only do I feel uncomfortable when strange men flirt with me, I kinda want to run the other way screaming.

    I'm about 25% with you on your list. What does that make me? A hag? Or just confused?

  8. Good Lord, I'm a lesbian.


  9. I think you should celebrate your inner Y chromosome!

  10. According to your list I think I am about half man. I've always told hub I was the *guy* here and he was the girl... because he's definitely a girly guy. He whines and pouts and wants to talk about *hurt feelings* and ugh ugh UGH. But I love Sex and the City. And Target is my second home. Clothes? Just cover my ass and boobs and I am happy.

  11. Hey anonymous, I was only kidding about being gay.

    Please take your droopy DD breastzillas out of my face RIGHT NOW.

  12. PLEASE tell me at least you enjoy going to Home Depot?! I'm with ya girlfriend!

  13. We share all of these but two. I've never heard of Mr. O'Brian - I like to read history and apologetics. And I order coffee at Starbucks. Coffee. No frufru stuff. My Hunny's the woman in our marriage. He's quite emotionally alert. Yeah, that's the term for it.

  14. ...AND I can read/draw/follow a map. Anywhere. I must be a man too.


    I wouldn't know Justin Timberlake if he fell on me.

  15. I'm with you on everything but the phone calls, the caring what I wear, and the worrying about how other people feel. But I'm working on that. I like lunches out, but I prefer date nights when the babysitter puts the kids to bed.


Gentle Readers:

For the time being, I've turned off comment moderation. Please don't spam; it's not nice.

xxx, Poppy.