WTF, Sephora?

I followed a link from bird's blog to a page full of lovely-sounding oils at Sephora.

While there, I decided to check and see what my 1,170 Sephora points would get me these days.

For anyone who doesn't already know, once you join Sephora's Beauty Insider program, you receive one point for each dollar spent at Sephora. These points don't expire, and can be spent on deluxe samples as well as larger kits of bite-sized products.

Full disclosure: I did not spend $1,170 at Sephora last year. I've banked my points for years, waiting for really good stuff to pop up.

This is what I found today in the larger, 500-point selections:

- Laura Mercier – Foundation Primer - Radiance (0.5 oz)
- SEPHORA COLLECTION – The Mascara - Volume, Length & Definition (0.67 oz)
- Formula X – The Colors in X ♥ Rouge (0.13 oz)
- Buxom – Full-On™ Lip Polish in Dolly (0.05 oz) 

OK, first of all, four products? That's it?

Second, "Night-Out Necessities?"

A primer, mascara, nail polish, and lipgloss might be things I'd use when going out at night, but the implication is that you'd be carrying them in the so-called "clutch," which would never happen.

I don't know about you, but when I go out at night, I tend to carry a small purse, not a shaving kit, and I keep it pared down: my lip color du soir.  A comb. Tissues. Maybe a powder compact.

Definitely a powder compact now that I own this pearl-encrusted beauty from Estee Lauder. I intend to pull that baby out even if my nose doesn't need powdering, just to strike my friends dumb with its beauty.

What I don't carry: nail polish. Or primer, which, hello, goes on first, under the rest of my makeup.

Also, please note that Sephora manufactures Formula X nail polish, so half the offerings are Sephora products.

But enough with this grumpiness! On to the next idiotic 500 point bonus.

 - SEPHORA COLLECTION Express Eye Makeup Remover Wipes (0.101 oz each)
- SEPHORA COLLECTION Colorful Face Powders –  in 05 Sweet On You (0.006 oz)
- Peter Thomas Roth Anti-Aging Cleansing Gel (2 oz)
- Fresh Sugar Advanced Therapy Lip Treatment (0.07 oz)
- Marc Jacobs Fragrances Daisy Eau So Fresh (0.04 oz)
- Dolce&Gabbana Dolce Floral Drops (0.06 oz)
- Origins GinZing™ Refreshing Face Mask (0.24 oz)

OK, this one has seven products, but that's about the only nice thing I have to say.

This one's a "conveniently curated" collection of samples to help out at the gym. Hmm, let's see: two Sephora products, a cleanser, a face mask, a lip balm, and two fragrances.

Color me underwhelmed.

I may be overweight and middle-aged, but I spend a lot of time at the gym, and I can tell you what would be useful at the gym: crap you might have forgotten to pack in your gym bag. Crap you might have forgotten to pack in your purse.

I would suggest: packets of sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner, a small bottle of Micellar water with some of those amazingly soft Japanese cotton squares, tinted SPF lip balm, a BB cream, a hair tie, an emery board, and yes, this would be a great opportunity to sling along a trial-size mascara.

Poppy's theory

I'm using my mighty intellect to deconstruct these kits, and this is what I've got: Sephora has a overabundance of samples. Sephora wants to push its own products. Sephora tells some marketing schmo to find a way to get this stuff out the door. Marketing schmo decides to copy Estee Lauder, ipsy, etc., and plop half a dozen things into a plastic cosmetics bag.

Why Poppy is grumpy

These kits basically represent Sephora's gratitude for having spent $500 at their stores.

Pause for a moment and imagine what you'd get for buying $500 worth of Estee Lauder, Clinique or Lancome, if you shopped intelligently and took advantage of GWP events. Or say you waited and bought your high-end products during a beauty event at Barney's, Bergdorf Goodman, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, or Space NK.

You would end up with a suitcase full of samples. I know this from personal experience. How did I get into my current situation with regard to samples? Well, it wasn't shopping at Sephora, I can tell you that.

I'll say it again, because it bears repeating: WTF, Sephora?

Review: Fresh Soy Face Cleanser

This is a series in which, in an attempt to work my way through my sample overload, I spend the weekend trying out samples, then inflict capsule reviews upon the internet. 

 I'm continuing to work on my sample stash, but the review process is getting bogged down with various treatment products. To detest a lipstick or nail polish is for me, the work of a moment, but if a product comes with 15 burn-off-your-wrinkles-and-brown-spots pads, I feel duty-bound to to use all 15 before weighing in. 

However, things are simplified when skincare arrives in a single-use packet.

Fresh Soy Face Cleanser, 1.7 oz., $15.00; picture courtesy of Nordstrom

This product has been reviewed hundreds of times on MakeupAlley and thousands of times on Sephora. Mind you, I didn't actually read these reviews before I tried the product, because it wasn't necessary. This wasn't a cloth mask imbued with eau de unicorn tears accompanied by instructions written in Korean. It was a water-soluble cleanser in a single-use packet.

There are ups and downs to these packets, which I feel pressed to bloggersplain to you. It can be hard to tell how much product to use, even when common sense tells you, duh, it's a single-use packet. With things like hair conditioner, the amount you use depends on the amount and condition of your hair. And sometimes the product you're sampling is incredibly expensive, and you're trying your utmost to avoid wasting even a drop, because you can dimly sense the shades of your Puritan ancestors judging you for your spendthrift-y wastefulness.

But with a tiny packet of facial cleanser, even an over-thinker can guess the amount required, so I ripped open the packet and rubbed its contents over my face.

The Good

This is a lotion-y, non-foaming cleanser, a lot like Cetaphil, except with fancier ingredients.

Ingredient list courtesy of Nordstrom's helpful website.

As you can see, the ingredients feature a lot of bland, inoffensive stuff, as well as small amounts of plant oils and extracts.

This product is sulfate- and paraben-free.

It feels like a lotion on the skin. In fact, it shares an okra-water-like slimy lotion texture with Cetaphil, its much cheaper, less allergenic,  more widely available comrade in cleansing.

Like Cetaphil, it doesn't strip the skin.

It worked fine as a wake-up-the-face morning shower cleanser.

The Bad

The product's claims are unconvincing. Fresh touts its use of soy, but as always, in a cleanser, the ingredients are on your face for an extremely short time, so whatever miracles soy is supposed to perform probably won't have time to occur.

It has limited cleansing abilities. It won't remove heavy makeup or sunscreen unless you also use some kind of mechanical exfoliation, either by washcloth or Clarisonic.

It's expensive.

It has fragrance. A strong cucumber fragrance

which I hated.

Poppy's Epiphany 

I like cucumbers, and I don't, in general, mind the smell of cucumber in my skincare (RIP Caswell Massey Cucumber cold cream) but this stuff just flat out reeked. Some reviewers pick up notes of rose, etc., which makes sense, given the ingredient list. All I smelled was a composting heap of cucumber skin.

And I realized something. Life's too short to use beauty products that make me gag bug me.

First of all, taking care of yourself should be one of life's great sensual pleasures. Your creams and lotions should look, smell, and fell wonderful—to you, not a random bunch of reviewers. If you adore the scent of Fresh Soy Cleanser, that's great; use and enjoy. But I'd be kicking myself if I'd popped for a full-size tube based on the reviews, because I would have never reached for it.

Which leads me to the second half of my epiphany. Bought-but-not-used products make me feel bad. They don't spark joy; they spark guilt. If I had purchased a tube of this cleanser, it would get shoved aside and neglected. And then the shades of my Puritan ancestors would gang up on me and make me feel terrible.

TLDR

This shit smells terrible, and it was with an overwhelming sense of joy that I threw the empty packet into the bin.

Recommendations: these are my latest

Reads 

I have more than one book going at any given time, the choice of what to read depending on whether I'm on the elliptical, driving, or sitting on a chaise longue dipping languidly into a box of French chocolates.

Serving suggestion.

Oh, and I've already talked about these. Definitely in the chaise longue class.

my latest e-book

Don't worry; I'm not taking it seriously. It's mostly a giggle.

See?

my latest audiobook

If you like, you can listen to a sample.

my latest book to page idly through while sitting on a chaise longue

Hmm. Maybe this clashes with the chocolates.

TV fashion role models

Lucy Liu as Joan Watson in Elementary

Emily Bett Rickards as Felicity Smoak in Arrow

Kidding. I've never actually watched Downton Abbey.

Want to stalk Joan's wardrobe? Or maybe Cookie's from Empire? Have you discovered Worn On TV?

Instagram follows

h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y    Lots of gay men in my feed. This is mostly lesbians, because equal time, yo.

hostessofthehumblebungalow   You've read the blog, but have you gazed at her pictures?

YouTube subscriptions

KimberlyClark

My favorite drag queen beauty guru. OK, my only DQBG. I've already raved about her, but she is really smart about gender and consumerism and other things more vacuous beauty gurus don't talk about.

Last night, I heard her use the word "acumen." True story.

And Kimberly turned me on to

notyourtypicaldollface

So smart. So pretty. I am in awe of her cats' eye glasses.

Movies

The Assassin, 2015. This will be Sunday afternoon at Doc Films in Chicago. Want to come?

Please tell me you've already seen Brooklyn.

Podcasts

Before anyone gets too excited at the sheer amounts of trendiness in this post, I should confess that I listen to podcasts to help me fall asleep.  

The Snailcast (a podcast about Korean skin care by four talented K-beauty bloggers.)

Vital Social Issues and Stuff My friend Jasmine and her friend Joy keep me up-to-date. For example, their 2015 wrap-up. Who remembered all those scandals from way back in March? So helpful.

 

Shoes

These J. Crew Factory d'Orsay flats are actually comfortable and not too pointy.

Also, no tacky toe cleavage! #winning

Unfloppable Poppy

So I'm thinking deep thoughts about K-Beauty and snail creams and whether I should tiptoe into all that, even though I suspect that if I do, I'll never get through all my samples. (Laura Mercier's oil-free foundation looks promising, but I thought I'd try it in Florida before I post a review.) So anyway, I procrastinated by checking out the most current links on bird's blog.

First I read a sad tale of bra shopping.

image courtesy of "Unsupported" by Betsy Morais, at the Awl

Then, I got this, from a website in New Zealand.

I think the universe is sending me a message. It is telling me to head over to Barenecessities.

And hey—when was the last time you refreshed your lingerie drawer? Hmmm? Those things don't last forever, you know. Even with careful laundering (use lukewarm water; hand wash where possible, but you can use a mesh bag, or, in a pinch, a knotted pillowcase; hang to dry, NEVER PUT THEM IN THE DRYER) you get maybe two years. If you rotate them. And don't wear them two days in a row.

Wait a minute—have we talked about this? Well, it bears repeating: take care of your girls and the bras that cover them.

Also, if you have access to a Japanese food store or are good at shopping on line, get one of these

You'll thank me. Socks, bras, hose—the uses are endless. And yes, my friend Liz thought mine was hilarious and came out of the powder room carrying one and laughing helplessly, but mine isn't nearly as funny as this

which is strangely reminiscent of those things you use to wash your trucker caps in the top rack of your dishwasher. But they would probably come in handy if you wear those bras with the linings and push-up pads and suchlike. Those suckers take forever to dry.

TLDR: If you can't read the size on the label anymore, it's time to buy new.

Merz Apothecary: exploring one of Chicago's hidden shopping gems

I had to head downtown to a dancewear store to pick up some equipment for my daughter, who is away in the wilds of Michigan, where jazz shoes don't grow on trees.

I decided to walk, because Weight Watchers is crazy about walking. Seriously, I could spend the same amount of time on an elliptical, and I'd earn fewer points than I do walking to do my chores.

Weight Watchers is sneaky. #thanksOprah.

I briefly considered pulling a bird and snapping pictures of everything with my iPhone. In my three miles of walking, I went from residential to art deco skyscrapers to parks with famous statuary to the jeweler's district and finally, the Loop. I was right under the El. It was incredibly picturesque, in a film noir kind of way.

I restrained myself because it was a cloudy day. I'm not a native Chicagoan; I'm a transplant. As a result, I'll sell my city with all the fervor of a new religious convert. And that won't work if I make it look like a gray blur.

I did capture these

These are dance shoes. Aren't they fabulous? Look at those Louis heels. Ginger Rogers would love these. I picked one up, and the soles are incredibly light and flexible ... and I'd ruin them in a second. They're really designed to be worn on stage.

On the way home, I walked up Wabash and was passing The Palmer House when I remembered that there's a branch of Merz Apothecary in the hotel's arcade.

If you're an inveterate soap sniffer like me, you've simply got to visit.

The soap stretches on for miles. Continents, really.

Anyone can carry Yardley's Lavendar; Merz has all the flavors.

You can find something for your sweetie for Valentine's Day.

Or perhaps you need something for yourself. How about some pomade?

Or a travel size Dr. Bonner's soap?

How about a big tin of Nivea, the real German kind, with cute wintry pictures?

Concerned that your armpits aren't pretty enough? Merz can help.

Or how about something from the wall of niche fragrances?

This is where they keep the really good stuff.

Of course, it really is an apothecary. It's not all glamour. They have hot water bottles and Persil and herbal infusions. But I was planning to buy some Kombucha on my way home, and that is quite enough holistic health care for one day, as far as I'm concerned.

But you're wondering what I bought.

Not that much.

clockwise from top: Kneipp eucalyptus bath salts from Germany, black licorice coins from Holland, a plastic brush for scrubbing the scalp, a sleep mask, real German Nivea, and cuticle scissors.

I definitely stayed in the not-very-glamorous part of the store.

But I sniffed Diptyque's latest limited edition candle: a Rosaviola fragrance with special packaging designed by Olympia Le-Tan.

And I zoomed in on the niche fragrances.

I'm currently testing Penhaligon's Bluebell

and Iris Prima, one on either wrist.

They're both lovely.

I might have bought more, but Mr. Buxom called me. He was leaving work, so we met on State Street. We walked back to the condo together, stopping at Jewel for bread, milk, and my Kombucha. 

Merz Apothecary has two brick-and-mortar locations in Chicago, and is online at Smallflower.com.  

I feel silly saying this, but I realize this reads like a sponsored post. It isn't. I just really like the store.

Shallow is the New Deep, or, a reading list

Like many fat people with degrees in literature, I really love to read cookbooks.

In my years of collecting and reading cookbooks, I've noticed that there are two kinds: books that give you detailed, step-by-step instructions on how to prepare a particular dish, and books by writers who are fascinated with food: its history, its cultural nuances, its sensual delights, its meaning.

In short, sometimes a cookie is a cookie; sometimes it's a Madeleine.

Diana Vreeland working with a model, Harper's Bazaar, probably in the 1930s.

My collection of books about beauty and style can be similarly characterized—it's pretty equally divided between theory and practice. After I started blogging about beauty and style, however, the balance tilted a little. I started acquiring more books that provided specific advice about what women in midlife should be doing to continue to look good.

I've decided that I hate books like that. Especially em-effing Charla Krupp and the way she feeds off women's fear of aging.

Admittedly, in interviews, Ms. Krupp claims to be talking about working women. And I realize that things out there are tough for women in their forties and fifties. But think about it: where are the books teaching men how to continue to look young? They don't exist (which would explain the bad, all-one-color dye jobs I see on some of the older executives of my acquaintance.)

Not to mention that Ms. Krupp's follow-up book is How Not to Look Fat. Which is, you have to admit it, a bit of a giveaway. Fat being the yin to Old's yang. Apparently, Krupp will do whatever it takes to get women to freak out about the effects of the passage of time. Just as long as there's money in it for her.

I'm not saying aging is pretty. And I'm not going to start spouting a lot of new-Age woo about all of us being beautiful. But there are certain advantages to the aging process, beginning with not being dead.

Of course applying makeup is less enjoyable than it was when I was 27. On the other hand, I know a hell of a lot more about makeup and what looks good than I did thirty years ago. (Current Poppy to 27-year-old Poppy: the hot pink duo-chrome pigment was not a good idea.)

But enough about me. Let's talk about Diana Vreeland. She was never conventionally pretty, but she had a fantastic slim figure that made her an ideal clothes hanger. And she had beautiful hands.

Well, guess what--she got older. A lot older.

But she still ran Vogue magazine and coined the term "Youthquake" and basically helped make the British invasion of style happen on these shores. And then kept going. Because she was interested in style qua style, and not just what made her look better.

And so, I've decided, am I. So I have accumulated the following books

And plan to dive in.

In the words of Neely O'Hara "Wow! What an orgy!”